May I have your attention please? The time is now 4:15 and classes are now over for the Fall 2007 semester. Congratulations. You have successfully . . . oh, wait. You still have final exams. Fortunately, Midd Blog is here with a guide to how professors grade final exams. This may or may not be funny.
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively).
And last, but not least . . .
DEPT OF RELIGION
The professor defers to a higher power.