Nationwide Epidemic: Candy Contraband in Schools
From the Dept. of Are-You-Kidding-Me? comes this fantastic story out of Connecticut about an eighth grade honors student who was suspended for buying Skittles. Yes, Skittles. Not marijuana. Not cocaine. Not heroin. But Skittles.
“Michael Sheridan was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for a day after buying a bag of Skittles from a classmate.
School spokeswoman Catherine Sullivan-DeCarlo says the New Haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a districtwide school wellness policy.
Michael’s suspension has been reduced from three days to one, but he has not been reinstated as class vice president.”
What is this world coming to?
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I am so ashamed that my secret Skittles habit has come to light in this way. I regret the shame I’ve brought to my family, to the Sociology/Anthropology Department, to the College — and most of all, to myself. And no, I don’t know anything about the M&Ms that went missing in the Brainerd Commons office — why do you ask?
Michael Sheridan
Assistant Professor, Anthropology
Sociology/Anthropology Dept.
Middlebury College
Your apology is all wrong. You’re supposed to apologize without telling us what you’re apologizing for.
I regret my inability to apologize appropriately. This is a sad day for me, a sad day for Middlebury College, and indeed a sad day for all democratic skittles-loving societies. I pledge to redouble my efforts to make restitution for my lack of apological, anthropological, and logical insight.